Decoding Eating Disorders 🖤

I have been struggling with various eating disorders (anorexia, bingeing, bulimia, orthorexia) for most of my life. It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized I needed support 😔

I was unable to recognize or label these behaviors until I reached out for help. I am incredibly grateful that I had the opportunity to work with amazing women, a therapist @recovery_sage and a coach like @sarahlee_77 💖

I embarked on a beautiful healing journey and learned to navigate the depths of what was manifesting in the form of an eating disorder 🤍

I would binge to release pressure, feel imperfect, or hide a significant amount of stress. I would carefully select or create rules to maintain control over my life because it felt safe. I would refrain from eating as a form of self-punishment or vomit to stay within my comfort zone, listening to my negative inner voice telling me, "You're disgusting, you're not enough, and you never will be." 👸🏻

I also binged because people told me I was too thin & skinny, because they told me I could never get pregnant like “that”, because I was eating nothing (from people ignoring everything about my meals), because I felt jealousy/envy and I tried to fit in so bad 🗣️

I restricted my food intake too much because I was blocked on my teenage clothes that would not fit me, because I wanted to be more loved and thought It was the answer to stay thin and therefore loved, also because I wanted to belong to this circle of girls who don’t eat to stay slim when my body needed a lot more to work well 👚

I also LOVED trying any diet that existed because it kept nourishing and satisfying my sense of control! Of course, I ended up messing up my metabolic flexibility, being afraid of fats or carbs or both, or proteins, or food in general. I understood the only good “diet” for my body had to be tailor-made by myself, for myself, answering to my physiological needs through my inner intuition (that took me years of experiment, trial, and error to rebuild) 🥗

Spending hours at the gym, training like a badass, and being super active was not a problem. The only problem was the fact I was doing it to LOOK good instead of to FEEL good. That behavior brought me nowhere except it resulted in increased cortisol levels, due to a combination of a highly restrictive diet, stressful digestion during binge eating, and ultimately leading to hormonal imbalances, depression, fear, loneliness, and guilt 😔

Given the significant role that food and body image play in our lives nowadays, it is crucial to be mindful of our communication with others, as we can never fully understand what they may be going through. It is important to show respect, give individuals space and comfort, and allow for healthy emotional processing to uncover underlying issues 🙏🏼

My natural metabolism causes me to lose weight when I experience positive stress, such as excitement. However, I also gained weight due to "inflammation" or water retention during highly stressful situations before I incorporated self-care practices like meditation, breathwork, and journaling into my routine ✍🏻

What changed my life and helped me was spending time alone, writing about my feelings, reflecting on difficult moments, and analyzing their impact on my life. Additionally, I learned to love and respect myself, but the most crucial aspect for me was DOING LESS 🧘🏻‍♀️

I made a complete shift after taking a full month off from workouts. During this time, I didn't pressure myself like I used to, and I didn't stress out if something wasn't perfect by my standards. Instead, I focused on therapy and self-introspection 💆🏻‍♀️

I began rediscovering my love for food that truly brought me joy and made me FEEL GOOD in the long run (not just a temporary dopamine rush for 5 minutes!). It didn't matter how many calories they contained; I spent hours in the kitchen, reconnecting with this space in my home, and going grocery shopping with the intention of carefully choosing all my ingredients 👩🏻‍🍳

I feel great when I eat mostly plant-based meals and incorporate nutritious foods into my diet. Unfortunately, I have faced judgment and criticism for this choice many times. I made a deliberate decision to eliminate gluten and dairy from my diet because I experienced negative effects (both mentally and physically) for a few days after consuming them. It didn't make sense to continue consuming something that didn't agree with my body. I have come to understand the importance of listening to my body and being open to trying new experiences when the time feels right. For example, this summer, I reintroduced meat into my diet for a while and went back to a full plant-based a month ago, adapting to the needs of my body in each season of life 😋

I held myself accountable for my personal growth. By constantly asking WHY and being aware of my behaviors, I was able to heal. This process takes time, patience, dedication, consistency, determination, and SO MUCH SELF-LOVE and love for life ❤️

The feeling of freedom I started to experience right after was unbelievable. This journey brought me strength, empowerment, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect, self-love, and gratitude 🕊️

If you think you could benefit from any advice, please contact me. I will be happy to share the contact information of the wonderful people I worked with and the techniques I used. You are not alone in this! 💫

Love, S 💖